It's Findley...

So it's post wedding and my goodness did it go by fast. Everyone said that it would, but I had no idea exactly how fast. Thoughts about the day:
My belly looked fat in my dress -from what pictures I have seen so far. Why did no one tell me this before I walked out there?! I'm just hoping Charity's photos can redeem the ones that I've seen.

I forgot my vows. Let's just say that saying our own vows went horribly wrong and we looked so silly...it was such a mess...But I guess that couldn't be more us.

It rained. Actually it poured, just after we finished our vows, which happened not as we intended them. Though I've been told that the rain is actually good luck -We'll see.

At the reception I was lost. I had no idea what I was supposed to be doing or where I was supposed to be. I felt like my body and mind were really in two separate places.

I LOVED my dress....though that was before I saw the big belly pictures.

There was a tip jar!! Yes a tip jar! Eric and I argued the day before the wedding about this. The tip jar argument was closely sandwiched between two other wedding related arguments.

All of my important people were there and I had such an amazing time, I think...it all just happened so fast. I wish I could have slowed it down a little so that I could have enjoyed it a little more and remembered some of the smaller, quieter moments.

Again, I'm just really lucky. I know this now and am ready to move forward and leave behind what won't help move us forward.

It's Here

It's wedding day today...
My vows...I'm going to forget them I'm sure and I'm thinking about adding something in about fries, but this is how I intended them to be:

I vow to talk to you before things get really bad and mistakes are made.

I vow to do my best to not take you for granted and remember that though it’s certainly not perfect, most people spend their lives looking for what we have, and hope that you can forgive me when I forget this.

I vow when I’m angry to try and take a step back and remember what your eyes look like looking at me…really it’s what behind your eyes. I’m never going to have anyone look at me with more love…and I vow to try and remember that anyone who can look at me like that still, is someone with another side to the story that I’m sure didn’t indent to hurt me.

I vow to walk away from your past, as well as mine and let go of all the things that I should have let go a long time ago but that I instead let creep up into my head and made problems appear. I vow to start a life with you leaving everything behind that isn’t going to help us move forward.

I vow to honor you and where you stand, even when I don’t agree with you and to accept you for who you are even when it is very different than me –and remember that it’s those differences that make us who we are and the essence of the other person that we love.

I vow to whole-heartedly trade all of the newness from the beginning of relationships that I will never have and am leaving behind for the comfort of you knowing me so many times better than I know myself and for the love with you that I will have for the rest of this lifetime and I believe after.

I vow to be there to pick you up, even when no one else will and when you’re wrong and I know it and I’d rather spit in your face….I will be there to pick you up.

Most importantly I vow to be here. I vow to be here when I really don’t want to, when it’s hard and when it’s easier to be somewhere else –I vow to be here.

I know he won’t…but my wish is for him to read this. I’ve made such a mess as usual, and saying anything else would be too much…even though I know I’ve long surpassed that. I’d really just like to say thank you. Thank you for saying what I needed to hear even though it wasn’t what I wanted to hear. And for being a friend when a quick dismissal would have been so much easier. I’m not really sure what response I was seeking, and realize my honesty policy sometimes does no good for anyone (except make me feel better, because selfishly I think honestly equals good), specifically when no one is asking me for my thoughts. I’m sure it had everything to do with what was right for him and less to do with me or being a friend. I have so much more respect for him and know there's so much less for me. I also know he doesn’t realize that I was listening or even understood what he was saying. But I’d love for him to know that in fact I was. I did what I should have and it turned out so much better than I could have imagined and I realize how undeserving of this that I am. I want to say thank you for being a friend, even though that wasn’t the intention and for just being a decent human being...actually more than decent -really upstanding.